Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion In Your Relationship
Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion In Your Relationship
“Readers sick of typical glossy-magazine self-help patter about reigniting romance, or the droning pomposity of most author-experts, will be pleasantly surprised with psychologist and sex therapist Schnarch (Passionate Marriage). He immediately catches readers' attention by agreeing that the common "just do it" approach to solving sexual problems is not only ineffective, but often results in one partner responding with a decisive "Don't tell me what to do!" That kind of understanding produces a number of unexpected bombshells-including "Marriage does kill desire"-which produce an uncanny effect: getting couples to stop and reconsider their emotions, quit blaming each other, and start to think (and act) differently regarding sexual situations, behaviors and attitudes.…[Schnarch] breaks down complex issues with loosely-drawn real life examples, illustrating the dramatic and fundamental changes that occur when couples have a greater understanding of desire, monogamy and the brain. The process is neither easy nor quick, but Schnarch's confidence is contagious.”
"Star" review by Publisher's Weekly
“How do you keep a sexual relationship alive, intimate and passionate? David Schnarch offers the best answers to this question in his book Intimacy and Desire by presenting a comprehensive look at the issues of passion and desire through numerous examples, clinically developed behavioral suggestions and a broad spectrum of relationship dynamics including the latest in neural plasticity and interpersonal neurobiology. This book comes with my highest recommendation. We are going to use it in our training program.”
William Stayton, M. Div., Th.D., Ph.D.
Professor, Assistant Director, Satcher Health Leadership Institute, Morehouse School of Medicine
“This is a must read for any couple facing sexual desire problems in their relationship. In a highly readable book, you have one of the leading sex and marital therapists in the world offering evidence-based solutions. Follow his guidance and you can awaken your desire and passion and increase intimacy in your relationship.”
Eli Coleman, Ph.D.
Chair in Sexual Health Program, University of Minnesota Medical School
"Once again, David Schnarch gives us a roadmap for understanding and working with couples struggling with issues around sexual desire. Defining sexual desire differences as normal rather than pathological and elucidating the potential for psychological and spiritual growth within problems of desire turns conventional thinking 180 degrees and opens new vistas for therapeutic intervention. Every couples therapist should read this book and apply it to their work with themselves as well as with their clients."
William M. Pinsof, Ph.D.
President, The Family Institute at Northwestern University
“Dr. Schnarch is my kind of therapist; his approach is about the connection of minds before the connection of bodies. He normalizes the inevitable situation of having one high and one low desire partner, and he validates each person. He is practical and his approach is compassionate but direct, honest and disarmingly intuitive. He gives each partner tools, but more importantly, hope and motivation. He can produce results... I know he can because the couples I have sent to him have uniformly come back in a more positive and passionate frame of mind.
This book is valuable for all couples- not just couples in crisis. In fact, if more couples who were reasonably satisfied with their sex life would read this book, they might find themselves capable of greater passion and intimacy than they thought they could have. Dr. Schnarch gives us ways to ground ourselves so that we are capable of great curiosity, connection and pleasure. The journey he takes us on is not easy- but the rewards are plentiful and long lasting.”
Pepper Schwartz, Ph. D.
Professor of Sociology, University of Washington
Past President of The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality
Author of Prime: Adventures and advice about sex, love and the sensual years
“I think the present book by Dr. Schnarch will be a turning point in the understanding and therapy of sexual problems. The approach is not only focused on improving the sexual functioning, but above all, it is an efficient support for the development of love relationships by the learning process of sexual interactions. He shows how sexual relationships challenge your differentiation and push you to develop a solid sense of self as an important prerequisite of intimacy. Dr. Schnarch is a master in formulating his deep and original experiences in a style which is very close to the emotional experiences of the readers. The book is of high value for professionals and for every body. ”
Jürg Willi, M.D.,
Prof. Dr. med. Dr. h.c.
“The unblinking David Schnarch, our foremost expert at the intersection of sex, love, and passion, has honored us with Intimacy & Desire, which teaches people how to have tender, loving sex with eyes wide open while learning more about themselves and their partner. Used properly, Dr. Schnarch’s methods will surely arouse the dormant passion of many sexually neglected and neglecting couples. Schnarch shows us how conflict is essential to growth, personal development, and intimacy. He espouses collaboration, and documents how differentiation relieves emotional and sexual gridlock. When the focus of sex shifts from technique, one-upmanship, and issues of who is doing it right and who is doing it wrong, Schnarch shows us how sex can be the arena in which we come to know our partner and our self. A pleasure to read.”
Frank Pittman, M.D.
Author of Private Lies and Grow Up!!
“A comprehensive integrative approach to intimacy and desire. An interesting perspective of the book is that normal healthy people in good relationships have sexual desire problems. Case study examples help the reader to relate to the comprehensive approaches offered by this best selling author and internationally known sex and marital therapist.”
Beverly Whipple, PhD, RN, FAAN
Professor Emerita, Rutgers University
Secretary General, World Association for Sexual Health (WAS) (2005-2009)
Past-president, Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS)
Past-president, American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT)
Past- Director, International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
“Intimacy & Desire hits a fundamental and most prevalent sexual problem in relationships: imbalance in sexual desires between the partners. Its therapy examples provide moving stories of how far couples have drifted from each other in their intimate life. This book opens sexual doors that couples have closed mentally and functionally in their relationships and gives practical tools on how to recover the intimacy and sexual pleasure in relationships. This is an essential issue both for personal and mutual happiness and well-being in contemporary relationships.”
The European Federation of Sexology
“David Schnarch has always written with remarkable sense and passion about sexual intimacy. Those who have read his previous volumes are already familiar with his unique and powerful approach to the connection between marriage and sexual intimacy. Particularly remarkable in this volume are the lovely case examples. Each can be read as a beautiful story, filled with an erotic richness that many novelists would envy. Although this book is addressed to the general public, it will be a necessary addition to the therapist's library as well. It is rare that we find "required" reading that is also a delight to read.”
Don-David Lusterman, Ph.D.
Recipient of the American Family Therapy Academy's "Lifetime Achievement Award."
“Once again, Dr. Schnarch's unique perspective on a "solid sense of self" and "differentiation" continues to provide valuable insights. This new volume's focus on normalization of disparity of sexual desire preference, with its attendant conclusion that such problems are "part of the middle phase of marriage," offers critical reading and hope for both professional and public audiences.”
Michael A. Perelman, Ph.D.
President, Society for Sex Therapy and Research
Co-Director, Human Sexuality Program
Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry,
Reproductive Medicine and Urology
The New York Presbyterian Hospital
Weill Medical College of Cornell University
“David Schnarch is a gifted and admired clinician who knows the truth about sexuality in a relationship. In Intimacy & Desire, Schnarch has made yet another major contribution to understanding the complexity of sexual desire and healthy intimacy. This book will serve as a road map to understanding and maintaining sexual desire and mature sexual relationships.”
Julian Slowinski, PsyD, ABPP
Department of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine
Senior Clinical Psychologist - Pennsylvania Hospital
AASECT Certified Diplomate in Sex Therapy
Co-Author: The Sexual Male
Co-Author, The Good Sex Guide